It occurred to me last night as I was riding my bike home from our library’s story hour how much my life has changed since becoming a mom for the first time. Over the last 4 1/2 years, I’ve had several of these realizations, but as I began to really worry about my bike tire sliding on the sand as I rounded a corner and clearly envisioned myself wiping out and living the next month with a body scab, it was a slap in the face as to just how much become a mom has changed me.
I have become less brave. For myself and for my family. I see the potential danger in just about everything. Sharps object that may be in the grass, sliding down a ‘burning sheet of metal’, running full blast on a sidewalk, and more and more and more. I’m being paranoid (probably), I know things happen to kids and I try not to stop them just because I’m having an anxiety attack with watching.
I speak up for myself. Not always… obviously. The likelihood of saying something to the cashier about a price difference, questioning a doctor, or a family member who is being rude, is higher than it’s ever been though. (And it’s saved me money this week even, when I fought the discrepancy between the sign above the clothing and the register – “The sign should be more clear if that’s the case, since it’s not… what are you going to do for me?” as nicely as possible.)
I am more emotional. I’ve always cried if I see someone else crying… always. But now, I well up at commercials, tears stream my face for movies and I fight back sobs at YouTube clips. Real life doesn’t affect me as much, thank goodness. I am tougher when it comes to injuries, illness, and handling tantrums… mostly.
I am smarter… and dumber. The never ending barrage of questions from my 4 year old is enough to keep me thinking and second guessing everything I’ve ever known. And her broad curiosity has me contemplating a lot of things I’ve never questioned. (How does the gas get into the engine to make the car run?)
I have tunnel vision. Whether in the grocery store, or county fair, I see nothing but what I’m looking for. The hubs is constantly asking, did you see ______? No, I wasn’t looking. My mind is currently thinking about 37 things right now, while I’m trying to remember the shopping list that is still at home on the refrigerator and keeping both girls from pulling things off the shelf… I didn’t see ______. Story of every trip anymore.
I have grown eyes in the back of my head. So, not really. But my “mommy sense” has kicked in to know when someone’s doing something they shouldn’t, even if I can’t see them… I just know. I thought it was a myth when my mom would always tell me “Mom’s always know”… I’m pretty glad it’s not.
I am less judgmental of all people. Of other moms, of the grouchy lady standing in the middle of the aisle, of the neighbor who keeps cutting things up at 10:30 at night. I hope this sends out enough good karma to get me some slack from other’s judgements as well.
I do a secret happy dance every time someone poops. It kills me that poops makes me so happy, but if you’ve ever gone through a baby with pooping issues… you know where I’m coming from. I even get happy for other people’s babies because I know how they won’t feel.
Whether your a first time mom, or a mom of four… how has motherhood changed you?
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